John F. Kennedy once said, “We should never let our fears hold us back from pursing our hopes.”
Bob Trevenen demonstrates that philosophy every day as he works with Discovery Ranch students on the ropes course. Trevenen is a certified ropes instructor and a licensed substance abuse counselor. He’s been in the industry for more than 15 years. The last 18 months have been at Discovery Ranch.
“People have been using recreation as a form of therapy for years,” he explains. He estimates that ropes courses have been around for about 50 years. Part of the effectiveness of the course comes from the perceived risk.
The ropes course at the ranch consists of a dozen high and low ropes activities – including a 32-foot high climbing wall. Some students frankly admit they’re too frightened to even attempt the climbing wall.
Bob says students are never forced to climb. But they are required to confront their fears by discussing them with the instructors, all of whom are certified.
Questions such as “Tell me why you are so afraid of this” and “May I tell you why this activity is safe?” help open the dialogue that eventually helps students conquer climbing fears.
“We talk about safety, fear and perception,” Bob explains. “They don’t think they can do it so we work closely with them. They are so thrilled when they finally make the climb.”
In fact, safety is paramount in climbing exercises. All instructors have passed a rigorous training and certification program. In addition, ropes, cables and harnesses have been safety tested for tolerance weight limits – some holding more than 1,500 pounds. Students and instructors use specific climbing language throughout the activity. These commands are stated first by the climber and then repeated back by the instructor assisting the student.
Bob conducts a safety inspection of the course every three months to make certain each feature is in proper working order. An annual safety inspection is conducted by an outside company.
The ropes course is effective, in part, because it opens avenues of communication. Students must acknowledge, and face, their feelings – whether those feelings are fear, satisfaction, or challenge.
“Students also learn acceptance,” Bob says. “They realize that there are some things they can and cannot do. Some have good leg strength. Some have good arm strength. Others are better or quicker.”
As they learn to recognize their strengths and weaknesses, Bob says students also learn about risk taking. “We process a lot about perception,” he says, “and what they perceive as dangerous and risk taking. Many of our students wouldn’t be here if they hadn’t had risky behaviors and problems communicating.”
After each session instructors and students discuss how the ropes experience is like real life. Then individual therapy sessions build on the student’s new understanding.
“Relationships, communication, trauma – we work on all of these on the ropes course,” Bob notes. “We try and let our kids know they have hope. They can overcome.”
Lynn Nelson,
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Love at first sight. That’s how Lynn Nelson says his career at Discovery Ranch began. He’d been working with adolescents for more than 30 years when he literally happened upon the Ranch and asked Clinical Director Craig Smith for a job.
Recently retired from years of work as a therapist with Salt Lake County, Lynn was looking for that special something that could lure him back to the work he loved without the burden of administrative duties.
“I’ve raised and ridden horses all my life,” he says. “To be able to come here and work with good people and the students and horses was a good fit.”
Born and raised in the Salt Lake Valley, Lynn received his Bachelor’s Degree from Brigham Young University. He earned his Master’s Degree from the University of Utah.
He originally planned to become an architect. But a job at a juvenile detention center convinced him social work was his real passion.
Lynn says experiential therapy makes all the difference in dealing with teens. “With adolescents you can only get so far in an office. When you get out in the open working with animals there’s a myriad of things you can do. If they hear it they kind of remember it. If they experience it they learn it.”
He says it’s exciting to see how students grow in confidence and ability – both with the horses and in many other aspects of their lives. “Horses can be pretty attractive compared to school work you’ve never excelled in,” he explains. “When they can see they’ve gone from being afraid of horses to accomplishing tasks and overcoming their fear, they can start to transpose some of that confidence and ability to areas like school, family and the way they handle stress.”
A father of eight, and grandfather of nine, he says he’s always loved working with children. When he’s not at the Ranch he’s working with his own horses, sometimes with a grandchild or two in tow. And that, to Lynn, is the good life.
Amy Workman,
Experiential Director
Rehearsals, paperwork, teaching classes and college applications – that’s Amy Workman’s schedule on a slow day. As Experiential Director, she’s always looking for ways Discovery Ranch students can put into practice what they learn with hands-on activities in the community or at the ranch.
Her latest projects: launching a student newspaper, preparing a dance routine for Parent’s Weekend, and helping one of her students apply for college.
Amy has been working at the ranch for almost two years. In the meantime, she’s also preparing to graduate from Utah Valley State College with a degree in Elementary Education.
Amy loves music and theatre, which makes her a perfect fit when it comes to planning and directing student productions. She’s the choir director, the choreographer, the prop mistress and producer/director.
Born in Provo and raised in Alaska, Amy says the most challenging part of her job is trying to make everyone’s schedules match. Rehearsals and other activities get sandwiched in around therapy and school. “I firmly believe therapy comes first,” she says. “In fact, everything I do needs to supplement everything that happens in therapy.”
“The most rewarding part of my job is talking with the kids about something they’ve accomplished academically,” Amy says. She loves to see students have what she calls an “ah ha” moment. “That’s where they realize they are bright, capable individuals and can make good choices in their lives.”
Welcome to the quarterly newsletter for Discovery Ranch. We’re pleased to offer news and information to enhance your family’s DR experience. In the coming months you’ll see updates on programs, information about our staff, relationship helps and parenting tips from respected authors and speakers. We also welcome your contributions. Please give us your feedback at editor@discoveryranch.net
By Elizabeth Ellison, President Cornerstone Education Loans
When children need specialized educational help most parents have two major concerns. First, which program is right for their child and secondly how should they pay for it?
While I can’t tell you which program to pick, I can offer you some guidelines on how to finance your choice. Here are some points to consider:
Consider the Options
Many times families in crisis are so concerned about getting their child help that they don’t think clearly when it comes to considering their financial alternatives. This is completely understandable but can end up costing you financially.
Difficult as it sounds, try to stay calm. Don’t let your rush to find funding cause you to make an unwise decision. Parents often do a little homework and explore all their financial alternatives.
What Should a Broker Provide?
At Cornerstone, our mission is to help parents obtain affordable, personally tailored loans for their child’s needs. We gather the information, submit the documentation, and follow up daily with the lender until the loan is completely funded. We remain in touch with parents and the school so that both know exactly where we’re at in the loan process.
You should expect the same from your broker. He/she should return your calls promptly and make certain any questions you have are answered completely. I tell parents there are no dumb questions and to call me as often as they need to. After all, we’re talking about their most treasured possession – their child.
Smart Money
It’s generally wiser to finance your child’s schooling through an education loan than to clean out your retirement accounts or stocks. Those options can result in some hefty tax penalties.
Likewise, borrowing against your house is usually not your best long term option. Education loans do not require collateral and interest rates are often comparable to a home equity loan. Also, there are no pre-payment penalties for paying off your loan before its due date.
Education loans usually offer tax benefits as well. Check with your tax advisor about specific tax advantages that may apply to your situation.
Who Can Qualify?
Sometimes families make the mistake of thinking education loans are only for the very wealthy. In fact, I’ve worked with families from all different financial backgrounds.
If your credit isn’t high enough to qualify for a particular loan many times a co-borrower helps. If there are troubling items on your credit report those can sometimes be explained or even removed with the proper documentation. Generally speaking, a credit score of 645-650 will be enough to secure funding with no major derogatory marks.
I Can’t Afford a Loan
Many parents look at the amount of tuition programs require and think, “I couldn’t possibly afford it.” However, an education loan can often put the program you want well within your reach.
My job is to detail the loan and calculate the monthly payment so parents know exactly what they’re getting in to. There is no guess work. When tuition is amortized over many years it generally becomes very affordable. Also, in long term cases loan payments can often be deferred for months, making repayment more convenient.
I Applied but the Lender Said No
If you’ve already tried to find funding on your own and been turned down, don’t give up. I work closely with the top three educational lenders: Prep Gate, Key and Sallie Mae. Often times I can review your application and help you clear up trouble spots.
My experience has taught me which lenders will probably be best for which families. A personal phone call from me to the loan officer can help us to understand what, if anything, can be done to rectify the denial.
Occasionally parents have simply failed to include a key piece of information that, once supplied, can move the loan into approved status.
I look for every lending opportunity available so the child can be placed.
What Kind of Documentation is Required?
For most families, all the loan officer will need is proof of income and residency. Occasionally, lenders require proof of citizenship. In rare cases, the lender will need a statement of your assets and liabilities.
How Long Does it Take?
Cornerstone can usually secure a conditional approval in 24 business hours. Many programs will proceed with admission based on that decision. On average, a formal approval will take 5-6 business days from start to finish.
No Surprises
While shopping for funding, parents should be sure to ask their loan officer to detail all of the costs associated with their loan. Typically, the broker will charge an application fee. Less reputable companies will try to tack on bogus fees for services that should be free.
As a mother and a financial services professional, I believe every child has gifts and abilities that are uniquely theirs. My job isn’t really about arranging loans, It’s about allowing parents to concentrate on placing their child in the best possible learning environment, knowing their financial concerns are being attended to.
It’s been just over a year since Emma graduated from Discovery Ranch. What’s life like now? “I went back to high school for a semester and graduated,” she says. “Now I’m going to junior college. I want to be an interior designer or work in fashion.”
Emma’s busy taking core classes she’ll need to apply to an art school. She’s living at home – for now – and says she has a lot more confidence than before her life at the ranch.
“I gained a lot of tools I can use in real life,” she says.
Emma says she thinks about the ranch almost every morning. There are pictures around her room and she still has all her clothes. She misses the closeness of friends she made there but one thing she doesn’t miss is the food.
“I loved the cook but hated the food!” she says. A vegetarian, Emma adds, “He really tried to make tofu meals but that’s just not his specialty. I ate a lot of peanut butter and jelly,” she adds with a laugh.
Emma admits life at the ranch was hard at first. Now she has some advice for her classmates. “Don’t lie and sneak,” she says. (She confides she has an “inside” source.) The longer you kid yourself the longer you’ll be there and the more unhappy you’ll be. Slowly you’ll realize that it’s just easier to be good.”
Her parents say Emma is happier and more confident now without the behaviors that nearly cost her her life. Emma’s father, David, says, “When Emma went away I had lost all ability to trust. I can honestly say that I completely trust her again.”
Mom Sharon adds, “We wanted Emma home after two weeks. But you have to have faith and be patient.” David agrees. “As much as you want them home, understand that it’s going to take time. In the end it will be better. Never give up hope.”
by Linda Kavelin-Popov
Caring parents wonder how to protect their children from the alarming trend of violence. Whenever I hear of another teen on teen murder, my heart goes out to the parents of the victim and parents of the perpetrator, perhaps with a deeper compassion for the weight of their loss, made heavier by guilt. I find myself thinking, “There but for the grace of God go I.”
These are troubled times for parents and children, with powerful influences impacting young minds. Our children live in a multi-media world promoting celebrity at any cost, images merging heroism with violence, and sexuality that is both rampant and trivialized. A British survey of a thousand 13 year-old girls shows that by a 7 to 1 ratio, lap dancer is considered a more desirable profession than teacher. Peers tape each other for You Tube beating up other students or even in the act of murder. What can we do to turn the tide, to bring out the best in our children -- the virtues of their character?
Awakening Idealism
Between ages 12 to 24, a strong emerging virtue is idealism – the need to make a difference, to be somebody. When there is a failure of hope, a loss of meaning, or misplaced value on the use of power, idealism can turn into violence. Yet, there are simple steps we can take to transform bullies into leaders and help our children develop virtues like idealism, kindness, and service.
Five Ways to Raise Kind Kids
These virtues and strategies can greatly amplify your power to awaken your children’s character.
- Show your LOVE
Your influence is directly proportionate to the quality of your relationship. Be present in your child’s life. Spend time having fun. Go hiking or watch a video together. Sit on their bed at night and ask them about their day.
- Express your CONFIDENCE
Speak the Language of Virtues: Language can discourage or inspire. Your words are weighty, so weigh your words. If you use shaming words like lazy, stupid, or mean, you reinforce that behavior. If you speak words like helpful, kind, or courageous, children develop authentic self-esteem. Find a virtue you can honestly acknowledge: “It took Courage for you to talk to your teacher.” “It was Reliable of you to bring the car back on time.” “You sure are Creative with that hairdo.” (and skip the sarcasm!)
- Model RESPECT
Recognize Teachable Moments - Get rid of shaming, blaming labels. Use virtues words when correcting behavior. “Son, you need to be Reliable about bringing the car back on time. I’m counting on you.” “Son, you know you need to be Reliable if you want to use the car. You’ll have to take the bus tomorrow.”
- Be an ASSERTIVE leader
Children need us to be fair and firm, not reacting out of helpless anger. They need a parent they can trust to Set Clear Boundaries with educative consequences. Set a few family ground rules about things like curfew or name-calling. “We are trustworthy about safety. We come home on time every time.” “We use kind names in our family. We solve problems peacefully.” If one child calls another a name after the boundary is agreed on, they restore justice by helping clean their sibling’s room or naming three virtues they see in them.
- Call on your COMPASSION
Become a world class listener. Offer Companioning by asking “What?” and “How?” questions. “Why?” puts people on the defensive. If a child rants about a teacher hating them, ask “What’s happening with your teacher?” or “What gives you the idea that your teacher hates you?” Help them discern what virtue they need to resolve things and offer to support them to work it out.
Give your best to your children. Your love and encouragement are the greatest gifts you can give. As four-year-old Billy said when asked “How do you know someone loves you?” “You know someone loves you by the way they say your name. Your name is safe in their mouth.”
Linda Kavelin Popov is author of The Family Virtues Guide and The Virtues Project Educator’s Guide, co-founder of The Virtues Project ™ , and an international speaker on personal and global transformation. www.virtuesproject.com. See www.paceofgrace.net for a list of virtues definitions.
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