to Win
By Dr. Dan Sanderson
Clinical Director
RedCliff Ascent
At a recent Parents’ Seminar Doc Dan presented a comprehensive road map on how children build trust with their parents. This article is a brief excerpt of a presentation called “Developmental Vacation.” That in-depth lecture, along with the remainder of the five-hour seminar, will be available on DVD in 2007. Watch for more information on the DVD series in upcoming newsletters.
- The Editors
When my son was about three he started this little game. He would see me driving up from work and he’d run and hide someplace in the house. Every time I walked in I felt like Inspector Kluso in those old “Pink Panther” movies. I knew my boy was going to come crashing out of a closet someplace and there was going to be a surprise attack.
He’d come running down the hall with this flying side kick and we’d have to chase each other around the house. We’d wind up wrestling on the living room floor.
The game was always on whenever I was home. I’d sit down. He’d steal my hat. I’d be walking outside and come around the corner of the house and boof – there’s the old water balloon.
Our antics were more than just a game. It was my son’s way of building a basic level of trust. His reasoning worked like this, “No matter what happens my dad is at least not going to actually kill me. I can dump a water balloon on my dad and he may chase me around and soak me with the hose but he’s not going to hurt me. In every situation I know my dad is not going to hurt me.”
As a child moves up the ladder of trust he learns his parents are providing structure because they actually want him to grow and develop to be happy. He learns that when they tell him “no” on occasion, it is not just because they’re trying to punish him or attack him or rip away his sense of being. It’s because they have a perspective that’s different from him. Most of the time they’re telling him ”no” it’s usually in his best interest.
Now, there’s a couple of things that go along with this. First of all, parents have to be present in order for a child to go through this process with them. They have to be present physically and emotionally.
And the other thing is parents truly do have to have the child’s best interest in mind. If my parents are just faking it, or if my parents really are struggling with their own issues, as a little kid, I’m going to find that out right away. Those things have to be in place.
As we progress along and keep going through this over and over and over, by the time most children get to be about 13 and 14 one day they wake up and it hits them. “Gee, you know what? My parents actually do love me. In fact, I see my parents as beings who want the same thing for me that I want for myself.”
And what is that that I want for myself? I want to have as much influence in this world as I can possibly have.
Part of what makes the RedCliff experience so exceptional are the men and women who work with our students. This month we are pleased to introduce you to two members of our field staff.
Steven DeMille
Field Staff
“I took the job because I like camping. After I began working with the kids and seeing the changes they made – that’s what hooked me. That’s why I keep coming back.”
Steven DeMille has been working for RedCliff since 2000. A recent graduate of Southern Utah University, Steve says he was impressed with the climate of change RedCliff creates for its students.
“I would see kids enter the program doing anything they could to manipulate their parents and staff. To see them change and learn ways they can get what they want without the extreme behaviors is really amazing,” Steve says. “Each kid comes in with a different reason or problem. The way we deal with them is specific to that child.”
Steve grew up in the Las Vegas area and moved to Utah to attend Southern Utah University, where he majored in Psychology. He and his wife are the parents of a one-year-old son. On his days off Steve and his family enjoy camping, canoeing and exploring the United States.
Jessica Irwin
Field Staff
Born in Lancaster, California, Jessica Irwin has traveled the world while her father worked as a civilian contractor for the U.S. government. Her favorite assignment was the five years her family spent in Japan.
A recent graduate of Southern Utah University, Jessica has a Bachelor’s Degree in Political Science with a minor in Sociology. She first heard about RedCliff when two of her roommates went to work there.
“My roommates loved it!” she recalls. After graduation she decided to try the RedCliff experience for herself, thinking she would work for a summer and then move on. That was more than a year ago.
“It’s not just hiking in the woods,” Jessica explains. “It’s dealing with all different kinds of kids. It’s always learning new things and meeting new people.”
Jessica admits she wondered whether she would be tough enough to handle the rigors of the job. “I think it wasn’t until I saw a graduation and I talked to some of the kids and saw their parents – that really sold me on RedCliff.”
“Just seeing the transformation that some kids go through is phenomenal. The environment and the circumstances we have structured for them help create a real desire to change. It makes me feel like the program is doing some real good in people’s lives.”
When she’s not working in Utah’s rugged backcountry she likes to play there. Jessica enjoys rock climbing and skiing. She also loves eating out at nice restaurants.
She says the RedCliff experience has taught her difficult circumstances can be defining moments. “You push your body to the limit,” she says. “Physically and mentally you’re capable of a lot more than you think you are.”
Welcome to new quarterly newsletter for parents and alumni of RedCliff Ascent. We’re pleased to offer news and information to enhance your family’s RedCliff experience. In the coming months you’ll see updates on programs, information about our staff, relationship helps and parenting tips from respected authors and speakers. We welcome your contributions as well. Please give us your feedback at editor@redcliffascent.com. You may also visit our blog at www.redcliffascent.com/blog/.
Foundation for Your Child’s Care
By Andrea Burgess, Executive Director
As parents, you have trusted RedCliff Ascent with your most priceless possession – your child. We take that trust very seriously and are committed to working in partnership with you to bring about positive changes in your child’s life. However, a student who is hungry or cold cannot focus on internal change until external conditions have improved.
This is the first of a two-part series designed to outline some of the many interventions we implement to make certain your child is safe while participating in the RedCliff Ascent experience.
If you or your child attended RedCliff Ascent several years ago some of these strategies may be new to you. That’s because we are committed to constantly examining current systems and replacing them with safer, more evolutionary practices.
Student to Staff Ratio
The State of Utah mandates therapeutic wilderness programs have a ratio of one staff member to four students. Frankly, we didn’t think that was good enough. RedCliff maintains a one to three ratio. We believe this balance is optimal for children and staff as it provides more individualized instruction as well as increased supervision.
Instructor Experience and Training
Because our instructors are integral to the success and safety of the students and the program as a whole, we have implemented a rigorous and challenging seven-day in-field training curriculum. During this time the staff is instructed on the basics of living out-of-doors. This includes learning the principles of making a primitive fire, fashioning a sturdy shelter, cooking on a fire and many other protocols for living out-of-doors. In short, they learn what it feels like to be a student.
This initial training is only part of the information and instruction the employees need to be successful. The other segment of training is that of learning how to appropriately interact with students in a manner that is intensely therapeutic and in harmony with the policies and procedures of RedCliff Ascent. To help facilitate this training, employees spend three weeks completing an internship where they act as observers in wilderness groups. During this time they are required to complete the same curriculum as our students.
Our staff is required to certify in first aid and CPR. They must also certify and demonstrate competency in what is called PCS – or Positive Control Systems. These strategies teach staff how to verbally de-escalate volatile situations. If verbal techniques fail, staff learns appropriate safety measures for a child who may be a threat to himself or others. RedCliff employees are required to re-certify in these techniques every six months.
Medical Staff
Our Medical Director, Dr. Dwayne Roberts, reviews medical needs with our in-house Medical Coordinator and contacts parents as needed to discuss any medical issues or needs that may arise.
Dr. Brian Burrows, a pediatrician who practices locally, serves as a contracted medical provider. He and his team of medical professionals provide the initial exam for each student and assess if the student is physically able to perform the duties and tasks associated with living “in the wild”. He is able to provide a second opinion, as well as help students access any expanded medical services such as lab work or X-rays when necessary.
All students undergo a drug screen to make certain they are “clean” upon admission and it is safe for them to enter the program.
Medical Coordinator, Mitch Cole, a licensed Level II EMT, visits students once a week to assess any medical needs or complaints. Students are weighed, blood pressure taken, and a general assessment is done.
Pollywogs
The first three days of your child’s stay at RedCliff are spent with the “Pollywogs.” That is the term used for new students in our program. Pollywogs are grouped together in the field for an initial acclimation period. This allows new students to adjust to the altitude and learn essential program basics.
Those essentials include memorizing 14 safety and behavior rules and being able to recite them verbatim. The rules include no lending, trading or borrowing food, taking care of gear, keeping clean, refraining from foul language, treating others with respect and asking staff for permission to do literally everything.
Although Pollywogs are in the field they do not participate in rigorous hikes or other activities until they have a clean bill of health from our medical staff.
Outpost
RedCliff Ascent owns a large parcel of land within the field known as “Outpost”. This area augments our program as an “in-the-field” learning center for our students. It is also utilized for graduations, family therapy, program activities and other important ceremonies.
Outpost is a centrally located refuge from severe weather or other emergency conditions. Water, firewood, and food are all stored at the facility. Students and staff can take shelter in a pavilion or a kiva. A small cabin is on-site full of extra boots, blankets, clothing and medical supplies.
The facility is located about an hour from our headquarters and puts field supervisors one hour closer to student groups in the event of an emergency.
In our next newsletter: communication, clinicians, and clothing. How they are used to keep your child safe.
RedCliff Ascent is pleased to share an article by noted author and speaker Linda Kavelin Popov. Linda is the author of The Family Virtues Guide and co-founder of The Virtues Project™. She is a highly sought after international speaker on personal and global transformation. We think you’ll enjoy her warmth and wisdom. Watch for her articles in future newsletters.
by Linda Kavelin Popov
In the last week of his life, my father gave me a gift I had yearned for since childhood. Like most parents of his generation, he thought that pointing out flaws and mistakes would shape my character and give me “backbone”. He believed that praise was unnecessary, even harmful. His criticisms, though well intentioned, left a deep scar, still tender whenever I receive a hint of criticism, especially from my intimates.
Looking frail, my father gathered the family around him, and spoke words of praise we had never heard before. I was stunned by the strength he saw in me, his appreciation for my compassion and my service.
The childhood chant, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me” is a lie. Words can break our hearts. When our words are weighty, we need to weigh our words. We are mirrors to our children of who they are. The words we use about them have a profound effect on how they see themselves.
Like so many others, I walked around for years with a harsh inner critic that would yammer at me at the slightest mistake, creating feelings of unworthiness, of not ever being good enough. Because I wanted life to be better for my children, I slipped into “opposititis” -- over-praising them, justifying their mistakes, indulging their willfulness, and failing to give them sufficient discipline, leaving them with a life-long struggle for self-discipline.
Our real job as parents and teachers is to mentor our children, empowering them to be the best people they can be, not by shaming or indulging them, but by encouraging the virtues of their character. The world’s sacred traditions describe virtues as the essence of our character and the qualities of our souls. Virtues resonate as no other words can. Naming someone’s courage, kindness, caring, or self-discipline is a powerful catalyst for authentic self-esteem.
The Language of Virtues helps us to break the cycle of negativity in labeling children or ourselves. It replaces name-calling words like “stupid”, “lazy”, or “mean” by calling them to their virtues. It gives us a new way to respond when we are frustrated or disappointed by finding the virtue in each teachable moment. Here are four ways to use the Language of Virtues to bring out the best in our children -- at any age:
- See the Good: Catch them in the act of committing a virtue. “It was kind of you to help Josh with his back-pack.” “You’re showing a lot of patience waiting to come home.”
- Always acknowledge improvement. “You were peaceful today. You only had two fights instead of six.”
- Use virtues to correct. “I’ll listen to anything you have to say as long as you say it respectfully.” “Even when you’re angry, I expect you to use your peacefulness. Use your voice to say how you feel.”
- Be Clear: Tell them what you DO want, not what you DON’T want. “Please walk! Be considerate and keep everyone safe at the pool.”
I close most conversations with my sons or my husband with an expression of love and more importantly, an appreciation for some virtue I see. “You sound really determined.” “I love your passion for excellence in your job.” “Thanks for your thoughtfulness.” It is deeply healing to acknowledge ourselves for our virtues as well, and to transform our internal critic into a gentle instructor that encourages us to keep growing our virtues.
Let’s take a moment to offer a precious gift to the ones we love, one that costs us nothing but is absolutely priceless. “Have I ever told you what I admire about you?” Find a virtue or two that’s just right and let them have it.
Learn more about the Virtues Project by visiting their website at www.virtuesproject.com See www.paceofgrace.net for a list of virtues definitions.
Financing a treatment program for your child can be a hardship for many families. RedCliff Admissions Coordinator Barbara Davis says there are financial resources available to help cover those costs.
“When our children are born we anticipate that at some time we’ll be paying their college expenses,” she says. “For some of our students, college would not even be an option without having completed the RedCliff experience. Just as there are student loans available for college expenses, reputable lenders are also available to help with therapy costs as well.”
Clark Education Loans, prepGATE, and Key Bank are three of those lenders. All three companies have worked with RedCliff for many years.
“Clark Educational Loans are a broker for several loan companies,” Davis explains. This company has been especially helpful for parents who may be self-employed and have difficulty securing educational funding from other sources. Parents can access their website at www.customedloans.com
prepGATE and Key Bank websites are linked to from the RedCliff admissions page. Both companies have payment calculators that allow parents to estimate a monthly payment based on the amount of money they wish to borrow. Loans typically include a five percent origination fee and are spread over 20 years.
Davis says parents must have good credit scores and a U.S social security number. The application process can be handled over the Internet. In most cases approval takes only minutes.
Barbara advises parents to apply for the full amount of funding they will need. That eliminates having to re-apply later and pay an additional loan origination fee. She also recommends applying to two or three lenders. “Sometimes one lender will have a better interest rate than another,” she says.
The approval process does have its quirks. Sometimes families will be denied a loan for say, $36,000 but will be approved for $32,000. Lenders will need copies of pay stubs and driver’s licenses. A promissory note can usually be downloaded from the lender’s website.
Because some students require immediate intervention, RedCliff admits students as soon as a loan confirmation is available, without waiting for actual fund disbursement.
Although RedCliff Ascent does not administer the loans, Davis is always on standby to help parents navigate the student loan process. “The decision to admit a child to RedCliff is usually very emotionally charged,” she says. “It’s nice to have someone to help walk you through it.”
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