“The kids call it ‘Dumb Boring Therapy’,” Jasmine Nutter jokes. “But they seem to pay a lot more attention to DBT when they’re standing on the edge of a 60-foot waterfall.“
DBT – or Dialectical Behavior Therapy – is a means of teaching students how to cope with the stress and anxiety of everyday life.
Rappelling down the waterfall is just one of several therapy trips Discovery Ranch students enjoy. At least once every six weeks students participate in these kinds of therapy trips. Level trips and special rewards trips come even more often.
Nutter is the Experiential Activities Coordinator for the Ranch. “During the winter we went cross country skiing. This summer we’ve been rappelling and canoeing down the Provo River.”
Each week Nutter takes a group of six or seven students, as well as a therapist and a staff member, to a special off-campus outdoor activity. “It’s a lot more fun to go in smaller groups because the students get more individual attention,” she says.
Most of the students are new to these types of activities, and Nutter believes that opens the door for therapy. “It takes them out of their comfort zone,” she says, “but it lets them work on the same skills they learn at the Ranch.”
Brock Burrows,
Boys Program Coordinator
“You take the good with the bad, and that creates the person. Seeing the extremes on each end are good markers for progress.” That’s the philosophy of Brock Burrows, Boys Program Director at Discovery Ranch.
Burrows was born in Utah but grew up in Minnesota. He returned to Utah County to attend school at Brigham Young University, where he is majoring in psychology. He loves the outdoors, especially snowboarding, and his mini-Sharpei, Ka-Sha.
When he injured himself running his own landscape company, Brock took a job working with troubled youth as a stopgap. He fell in love with the work and joined Discovery Ranch when it opened more than a year ago.
“The change I see here is lasting change,” Brock notes. “It affects the students’ principles and what they hold as valuable in their lives.” He says each child changes at his or her own rate but the formula for change is a constant. “I’ve learned if you truly have the child’s best interests in mind, and you set consistent boundaries, you’re allowing that person to succeed. And I think that’s what we really want in life: Success in our job and as a person.”
Terri Miller,
Girls Program Coordinator
“I’ve been on both sides of the fence,” Terri Miller says. “I can really understand how the parents and the kids are feeling.”
That ability to empathize is what makes Terri’s contribution as the Girls Program Director so important. The mother of two teenage boys, Terri understands first hand what it’s like to place a child in a treatment program. She’s been through it herself.
“I’ve been through a lot of the same things with my kids that these kids are going through,” she explains. “I can also understand where parents are coming from and what a difficult decision it is to send a child away.”
She admits her job is demanding, but she can’t imagine doing any other type of work. “I know how important it is that there are good people working with these students to help them change their lives.”
When she’s not working, Terri and her family like camping and four-wheeling together. She loves a good cup of coffee and reading autobiographies. She says she’s also a pretty good poker player.
With more than 13 years of industry experience, it’s a sure bet she loves her job. “I think I have a connection to these kids. I know what they’re going through.”
Discovery Ranch is proud to encourage the creative abilities of our students. This issue features the poetry by Evan. Watch for more student contributions in upcoming issues.
- The Editors
Love
Looking over the edge of an endless Cliff,
An endless cliff into your heart,
Looking into your eyes,
Your soul,
Your thoughts,
I tell you the words you love to hear.
The words that are so over used,
The words that are so rarely true
The words as simple as I love you.
Evan
Welcome to the quarterly newsletter for Discovery Ranch. We’re pleased to offer news and information to enhance your family’s DR experience. In the coming months you’ll see updates on programs, information about our staff, relationship helps and parenting tips from respected authors and speakers. We also welcome your contributions. Please give us your feedback at editor@discoveryranch.com
Clinton Dorny, Executive Director
When I was a kid my family spent a lot of time fishing, camping and hunting. My dad was always looking for ways our family could have fun together.
He used to say, “Kids are like colts. If you don’t spend time training them and working with them you can’t expect them to respond to you.” I thought it was a pretty dumb saying then, but now I can certainly see the wisdom in his words. The lessons I learned working and playing alongside my dad have helped me as I struggled through my teen years, and even now as an adult.
Experiences and traditions shape our lives. They’re what bind people together. And that is the foundation of Discovery Ranch.
Simply defined, experiential therapy lets students learn by doing. It builds on the same principles of hard work and natural consequences practiced in some wilderness therapy programs.
The key component is that the staff work and play side-by-side with the students. Each day is filled with sensory rich activities. Our dogs Buddy and Holly, the calves, the horses, the grounds – even the way our students are instructed to organize their rooms – are all part of “hands on” therapy strategy.
With experiential therapy, there’s no office and no limit to when and how therapy takes place. It’s a backdoor approach that breaks down barriers to change.
Discovery Ranch counselors understand that therapy in the moment is more powerful than therapy in the office. We call it “real time” therapy. It allows students to process what they’re learning and feeling right now.
“Tom” is a good example. He had never addressed the grief he felt about his father’s death until his feeder calf died. Then, while Tom stroked a cat and remembered the calf, his therapist was able to help him express his grief and start to understand it.
Students receive at least ten hours of therapy each week – most of it activity based. Parents see the effectiveness of that side-by-side approach when they participate in experiential activities with their children during Parents Weekend.
Recently one mother expressed her disappointment in her daughter’s destructive behaviors and wondered how she could ever trust her child again. She felt betrayed and angry.
As the pair worked the low ropes course together they were required to link hands above their heads and then lean in to one another. The wobbly ropes they were standing on gradually grew farther and farther apart, requiring them to lean on each other even more.
Mother and daughter shared a powerful experience as they exchanged this dialogue. “Lean on me, mom.” “I don’t know if I can.” “Just lean on me, Mom; I’ve learned how this works.”
As they struggled on the course, the mother realized her daughter did indeed understand the best way to maintain their balance. The mother could see her daughter had earned trust in this area, and she learned she was capable of giving it. They successfully navigated the ropes and realized they were re-defining their relationship as they worked.
Many of our students leave Discovery Ranch saying they want to be ranchers. We remind them it’s not about the ranch. It’s about the principles that working the ranch has taught them. It’s about learning how to work, and experiencing the joy of work. It’s about gratitude for what they’ve got and taking pride in caring for it. It’s about the personal issues they’ve identified and are learning to resolve.
Experiential therapy at Discovery Ranch is deliberately designed to facilitate shared experiences, open teaching opportunities, and create a catalyst for change. The result is that children make meaningful changes that impact their lives long-term.
Discovery Ranch is pleased to share an article by noted author and speaker Linda Kavelin Popov. Linda is the author of The Family Virtues Guide and co-founder of The Virtues Project™. She is a highly sought after international speaker on personal and global transformation. We think you’ll enjoy her warmth and wisdom. Watch for her articles in future newsletters.
by Linda Kavelin Popov
In the last week of his life, my father gave me a gift I had yearned for since childhood. Like most parents of his generation, he thought that pointing out flaws and mistakes would shape my character and give me “backbone”. He believed that praise was unnecessary, even harmful. His criticisms, though well intentioned, left a deep scar, still tender whenever I receive a hint of criticism, especially from my intimates.
Looking frail, my father gathered the family around him, and spoke words of praise we had never heard before. I was stunned by the strength he saw in me, his appreciation for my compassion and my service.
The childhood chant, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me” is a lie. Words can break our hearts. When our words are weighty, we need to weigh our words. We are mirrors to our children of who they are. The words we use about them have a profound effect on how they see themselves.
Like so many others, I walked around for years with a harsh inner critic that would yammer at me at the slightest mistake, creating feelings of unworthiness, of not ever being good enough. Because I wanted life to be better for my children, I slipped into “opposititis” -- over-praising them, justifying their mistakes, indulging their willfulness, and failing to give them sufficient discipline, leaving them with a life-long struggle for self-discipline.
Our real job as parents and teachers is to mentor our children, empowering them to be the best people they can be, not by shaming or indulging them, but by encouraging the virtues of their character. The world’s sacred traditions describe virtues as the essence of our character and the qualities of our souls. Virtues resonate as no other words can. Naming someone’s courage, kindness, caring, or self-discipline is a powerful catalyst for authentic self-esteem.
The Language of Virtues helps us to break the cycle of negativity in labeling children or ourselves. It replaces name-calling words like “stupid”, “lazy”, or “mean” by calling them to their virtues. It gives us a new way to respond when we are frustrated or disappointed by finding the virtue in each teachable moment. Here are four ways to use the Language of Virtues to bring out the best in our children -- at any age:
- See the Good: Catch them in the act of committing a virtue. “It was kind of you to help Josh with his back-pack.” “You’re showing a lot of patience waiting to come home.”
- Always acknowledge improvement. “You were peaceful today. You only had two fights instead of six.”
- Use virtues to correct. “I’ll listen to anything you have to say as long as you say it respectfully.” “Even when you’re angry, I expect you to use your peacefulness. Use your voice to say how you feel.”
- Be Clear: Tell them what you DO want, not what you DON’T want. “Please walk! Be considerate and keep everyone safe at the pool.”
I close most conversations with my sons or my husband with an expression of love and more importantly, an appreciation for some virtue I see. “You sound really determined.” “I love your passion for excellence in your job.” “Thanks for your thoughtfulness.” It is deeply healing to acknowledge ourselves for our virtues as well, and to transform our internal critic into a gentle instructor that encourages us to keep growing our virtues.
Let’s take a moment to offer a precious gift to the ones we love, one that costs us nothing but is absolutely priceless. “Have I ever told you what I admire about you?” Find a virtue or two that’s just right and let them have it.
Learn more about the Virtues Project by visiting their website at www.virtuesproject.com See www.paceofgrace.net for a list of virtues definitions.
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